Today I realized a fear I didn’t know. All of a sudden reality hit me in the face and now I found myself breathless against the wall in the fight of my life. I hear 1 2 3 4… but I can’t stand-up, I smell my own blood but don’t care, I feel like every cell of my body is aching but I have no strength to care, I see my mom, my mad, sisters crying but I can’t speak, I can’t tell them am okay and I love them. I enter in desperation, I feel like if an invisible hand raise me up and whisper me to fight, to wipe my tears and keep on, keep on… the voice fade away. Am up again, am clueless but willing to fight with all my strengths leaving outside all fear, all sadness, all happiness, everything.
That’s how feel like, like a big fight, when am just lying in the ground helpless and even do I have no chance I keep on for family, for my friends, for myself and above everything for God. I could have stay in the ground but I decided to never give up. I see… everything, I see my 9-year-old self crying ,I see a 11-year-old version of myself being called ugly my childhood, then I see my teenager self being rejected, I see whiteness, peace, life, joy, and every emotion. In a snap everything fades and… Am standing in reality but am no longer scared, am happy and determined.
P.S Determination and Happiness are the clue when you find yourself facing your biggest monster. Even when there’s no possibility to win, remember anything is possible if you believe in yourself. Enjoy life, enjoy every bit of it, be happy, be reckless, be stupid, with a big smile and a big heart you will be unstoppable.
MelleDwyer.
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